How to Earn Respect

When there is conflict in a relationship, the complaint I hear most often is, "Something that I deserve, but don't currently have is respect."  I once had an argument with my mother, where she DEMANDED my respect.  Sometimes the way to get what you want the most is to stop trying so hard to find it.

The best advice to give here is to think about people you respect, and their characteristics.  How can you copy those behaviors in how you interact with others? Some of the people I respect the most say the least.  I can be in a work meeting where the majority of the participants are listening to respond and posturing to have their opinion be heard.  But in the end, I always seek out the one in the corner who has been on the team the longest, for a wise nugget.  You will find that these people are talking less, because they have been listening to understand.  They may also just be really confident in what they believe, and don't feel the need to argue or build consensus.  People can weigh in all they want, but in the end, there may be someone in the group who has the experience and knowledge on the subject to provide the right answer.  I respect people with deep experience in a subject, and who are quietly confident in what they know.

The world needs more experts; people who really know a topic and have seen it implemented in many different ways and situations.  Today, we train our students and young professionals to gain only a  surface understanding of many topics.  With an expert on your team you don't have to guess.  They really do know the right answer.

I work to earn people's respect by being a good listener, and by providing a different perspective when asked for advice.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I think its important not to provide unsolicited advice.  Most of the time, people want to vent or be heard, and really aren't looking for a solution to their problem.  Most solutions require a personal change of some sort, and that is difficult.  People need to want and be ready for change.  But if they really are ready, that is the best time to help them with advice that may make a meaningful change.

The best way to earn the respect you deserve is to be confident in who you are, what you know, and the decisions you make.  Don't force your values or opinions on others; lead by example.  Others will notice and seek you out for advice and support.  Try to be the one in the corner who others ask for the wisest nuggets.

Have you ever demanded someone's respect?  How did that work out in the long term?  Share your comments below.

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