Thursday, July 29, 2021

My New Beginning

My need to always please everyone, all the time, has recently ended.  The summer of me has begun.

I was having a lot of relationship issues.  The more I tried to make people happy, the more I was pushed away.  After years of compromising to avoid conflict, I was now being criticized for being too accommodating and indecisive.  The gift I thought I was giving was the thing that was now causing resentment.

I had always thought the key to conflict resolution was to talk it out, until resolution.  To never "go to bed angry".  But sometimes you can actually talk too much, and end up saying things you may not mean.  Especially if the topic you are arguing about has nothing to do with the real problem.

So, I made a conscious decision to stop trying to resolve problems that weren't really about me.  But this meant that I began spending more and more time alone.  This forced me to think long and hard about what I really wanted to spend my time doing, if I didn't have to accommodate anyone else.  I was so out of practice thinking about what I like, that I felt like I really didn't have any passion anymore.  

I started with my health; eating healthier by taking more time to plan and prepare meals.  Often, others would want to order out food, even when I had planned a healthy meal.  So I let them order without me, and followed through on my commitment to myself.  I set a bedtime for myself and gracefully said no late night visits.  Finally, I rekindled my relationship with my local running group and started joining in runs 1,2,3 times a week.  This blog is also a product of the summer of me.

I grew physically healthier and also more confident in the decisions I was making.  I gained a much better understanding of who I am as a person.  The more I set boundaries and stuck to them, the stronger my "no" muscle became.  

The interesting thing is that the new confidence and limits I set resulted in a new attitude from my partner, and less conflict overall.

Does this make sense to you?  That giving less can lead to more respect?  Share your thoughts below.

Daily Writing Response: 2/300


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